December 18th, 2023 (Monday)

I had an unhealthy obsession with Total Drama when I was 6-7 and 12-15 years old. The last time I watched anything Total Drama related was in...2019? I started watching the reboot last night, but I accidentally spoiled who wins along with several major plot points (I didn't know there's already a season 2 of the reboot and watched a few minutes of S02E01, which opens with a recap of the last season). Oh well.

Here's my brainlet attempt at liveblogging episodes 1-12 (I can't find episode 13) of the Total Drama reboot. Don't expect anything revolutionary, this mainly consists of me saying "oh damn that's crazy".

Episode 1

• Millie unironically said "epic fail" in 2023. She looks like a 20-30 year old who somehow snuck onto the show.
• SHAWN REFERENCE????

• Bria's (Idk why I thought that was her name) mom really gave birth to her daughter over a cliff. OWEN REFERENCE???

• Hezekiah Hezekias Zee is a G-rated stoner.
• Ripper/Riffer (not sure why I thought that could've been his name) probably watches [REDACTED] and [REDACTED].
• Damien is one silly cunt (positive). Kinda fucked up that his friends let him go on the show but whatever.
• Lauren's voice reminds me of [REDACTED]. I don't like it.
• Bowie saying he's gay in his first line was uh. Not what I expected. Please handle this as graciously as possible, Fresh TV. I know you got bullied by EVERYONE on Tumblr in 2013-2015 for not having openly gay contestants back then (despite having openly gay characters in 6Teen) but please. His heart glasses go pretty hard though. (I miss those glasses)
• Chase eating (presumably) bull testicles and then suffering a really bad crotch shot felt poetic.
• Emma and Chase were a YouTube/livestream couple. What the fuck. I'm not in the targeted age demographic for Total Drama anymore, not sure why that weirded me out so much.
• Mary Kate MK probably should've blown her nose beforehand. (this one feels a little mean)
• Caleb exists. But so does Justin and Alejandro.
• Wayne and Raj sound exactly like what I think dudes from northern Alberta would sound like. (ESPECIALLY Dwayne, God I love his silly fucking accent)
• Nothing to say about Nichelle.
• Julia has definitely conned multiple people into joining an MLM. "How am I supposed to grow as a person if I'm not telling my followers I'm growing as a person?" so true bestie ♥ She hid a giant phone in her bra?
• I enjoyed those intros we got for the contestants. I'm probably gonna forget them a little too quickly.

• If I had a nickel for every time a Total Drama contestant mentioned their nipples getting hard from severe coldness, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice. (I don't remember which episode, but one of the Surfer Dudes in the Ridonculous Race carved two ice sculptures with his nipples)
• Bowie telling Emma he'd never donate his prize money to charity is relatable. (it's not because I'm "greedy", it's because I don't trust people not to pocket my money)
• Do you think Wayne and Raj have seen that episode of Total Drama where Harold couldn't stop saying "boobies"? They must've cried from laughter.
• MILLIE'S LEFT HANDED????
• Ripper has [REDACTED] the crowd. Much to Damien's dismay, they WILL show it on TV.
• Crotch shot number two.
• "Unlike Julia's social media posts, that was deep" heartbreaking: the worst person you know just made a great point.
• "Straight couples, am I right?" Bowie no. Nononono. (imagine telling the Total Drama fanbase in 2013-2015 that this would be an actual line in the show. Everyone would go fucking crazy, myself included)
• Emma has some uhh. Perfectly justified issues. And a comically pointy chin.
• The Prince Albert piggyback tournament does not exist in real life :(

• I'm pretty sure Wayne and Raj never watched the show either. (or their reading comprehension and overall common sense is piss on the poor)
• Pretty Boy 2.0 3.0 got banished to the Shadow Realm. Onto episode two!

Episode 2

• "The most gorgeous man alive!" Chris, he's probably sixteen. (throwback to when Chris said Lindsay was "not too shabby" after seeing her for the first time)
• Wasn't super crazy about Ripper's farting. (IT GETS WORSE!!!)
• Axel's fucking weird. This isn't Alone, y'all don't have to eat squirrels. (I should've appreciated her)
• Lauren's also really sus.
• Axel just fucking killed Ripper. (I WISH SHE DID!!!)
• That bird's about to severe Chef Hatchet's carotid artery.
• Okay, I get that Axel's supposed to be the intimidating/scary bitch (affectionate), but WHY does she have piercings if she's also really into survival stuff? Does she not worry about potential infections if one of her piercings gets ripped out? Who cares, she's probably going home in this episode (update: I was right on this. Damn).

Gif made with Make Sweet

• Zee's response to his leg getting eaten by a shark is great. He's simultaneously distraught and nonchalant. Like he's kinda bummed out that his leg is gone (why the fuck isn't he bleeding though), but he'll be over it within a day or so. It fits his personality.
• Oh he's just an amputee (he was born with one leg). Nevermind. (I saw a Tumblr post about this MONTHS before I watched the reboot but I assumed it was a headcanon and promptly forgot about it until this scene)
• "is there a reason you never told us one of your legs was a prosthetic?" "Probably the same reason you never told me your legs weren't" I can't believe he ended ableism ♥ (why did Axel ask him so angrily though?? I don't think would've changed the outcome of the challenge)
• Raccoon!!!

Episode 3

• ROCK? SPUD?? (they're background characters in one of Nichelle's movies)

I stole this image from the Total Drama Wiki

• Bria's parents are fucked. (you should've come to that conclusion a little sooner, Yossy!)
• Millie is no longer left handed :( just that one scene
• "lemme get that for you" *gropes his chest*
• Bria, Lauren isn't thinking anything. I don't think a single thought has ever ran through her head. (that was really uncalled for, Yossy)
• Ripper farded again. And then he broke his tailbone. Can't believe Chris electrocuted him and exposed all his bones. AAAnd he's [REDACTED] the audience again.
• GUYS I THINK I discovered why I don't like Lauren. They gave her individual teeth. (it's not that, it's her voice)
• "The Daily Llama said that" okay but llamas are assholes. You might not wanna take advice from them. (I think this is false, sorry for believing anti-llama propaganda)
• Nichelle struggling to climb up the rope is me irl.
• "I'M MANIFESTING MY WARIO" thanks Julia ♥
• "Is fake help better than no help?" That's called a placebo, Mary Kate MK.
• Ah yes. Animal cruelty.

• Mary Kate MK is kind of a bitch but same.
• "Are all movies and TV shows lies?" Idk Wayne, Canada's Worst Driver and Mythbusters seemed pretty authentic. ("fun" fact: there's a banned/lost Mythbusters segment involving cannibal mice)
• "I guess so bro, but at least we can still trust wrestling!" RAJ AND WAYNE HAVE THE SAME ENERGY AS GEOFF AND BRODY AND I FUCKING LOVE IT. (I think Geoff and Brody were a little more than friends though)

Episode 4

• I haven't heard the phrase "what's your damage" since at LEAST 2016. I forgot it existed.

• Wayne's line "I'm pretty sure my buddy Raj is gay" was unintentionally funny. It sounded so innocent and sincere. (it's also a very out of place line on Total Drama. Again: if you told the Total Drama fanbase in 2013-2015 this would be an actual line in the show, everyone would go fucking crazy INCLUDING myself)
• MK is a genius and I REALLY hope they make an [REDACTED] joke.
• At least Bria's face isn't permanently disfigured. (any trust she had in Ripper definitely is!)
• Damien having an insanely shitty time and constantly wanting to be eliminated is kind of amusing and very relatable to me.
• I'm surprised Ripper is still here. Hopefully he either gets eliminated soon (he doesn't!) OR chills the fuck out with the farting (he doesn't!) (dude just farted on his own marshmallow and then ate it like a psychopath). I'll take him over Lauren, whose whole "scary girl" thing got boring and kind of insufferable REALLY quickly. (I don't hold this opinion anymore. Fun fact: Ripper was intentionally written to be unlikeable)
• "I met a lot of people and I know their names" so does everyone else on the show. So does the audience. You're not special, Lauren. (I don't hate Lauren anymore, I'd smoke a blunt with her) At least Chris was nice enough to let her keep the skull.

Episode 5

So I looked up everyone's names because I wanted to make sure I got them all right and it turns out Bria's name is actually "Priya". Whoops. At least I got Ripper's name right, I was slowly starting to think it was "River" instead lmao.

• How did Damien make so many buttons? Where did he get access to one of those button machines? (I guess he got into stealing shit from the interns WAY before MK did, sorry for the season two spoilers)
• Great. An episode filled with farting. I would EASILY win this challenge because I love shutting the fuck up (this is blatantly false) AND I would rather starve than eat whatever Chef Hatchet cooks in his meth lab.
• "I love girls" same Zee.
• Was the MULTIPLE closeup shots of Chase's asscheeks REALLY necessary? (no, Yossy. They weren't.)
• Zee leaving his prosthetic leg in that dinosaur's mouth was a power move.
• Chase cries like a YouTuber too.
• Julia skipped the beans. Good on her. Really fucked up what she said to that dinosaur.
• MK and Axel would've been a force to be reckoned with if the latter stuck around for a lot longer. Two resourceful lassies :) (this was written before I got exposed to MK x Julia)
• Damien's gone. The moment he changes his mind is when he gets eliminated. Damn.
• Where'd Chris get the dinosaurs? (I've never watched any of the Jurrasic Park movies)

Episode 6

• I can't believe I'm saying this, but after the last episode, I miss Ripper's "alpha male"/bully schtick. There's a lot more writing opporunities with that (it also doesn't come across anywhere near as...sus) and I'm pretty sure the show's targeted audience is more likely to find somebody who believes in that shit rather than someone who just. Constantly farts.
• "do you have any idea how hard it is to pretend you like yoga and emojis?" so true bestie. (Emoticon supremacy :3c)
• Wayne is going to end up on a ChubbyEmu video.
• I changed my mind, Wayne's gonna end up on [REDACTED] (NSFL warning, that [REDACTED] is fucking brutal).

(Firefox crashed on me when I was almost done editing this entire page. Felt like punching a hole thru my laptop screen!)

• I miss the challenges being multiple parts instead of just one big challenge. My memory is shit though so I don't remember if they did that in other seasons or if it was just Total Drama Island.
• Wayne's a tidbit weird about Raj being gay or bi (he watched his buddy neck with another bloke) but at least he's not confrontative about it and I appreciate that.
• THE SHARK'S GAY TOO???
• I love it when Zee makes up stories about how he lost his leg or sacrafices his prosthetic to help his team win.
• They exposed Zee's bones :(
• I feel like the eliminations are a little too predictable? They have a character be shitty in one way or another in the second half of the episode and that character usually ends up leaving (pretty sure this is called a "cop-out"). The only exception is Caleb? Julia's probably leaving.
• Wait a minute. Julia might be onto something. She's gonna rat out MK.
• "At least I didn't make any friends" me irl. I wish MK stuck around for a little longer. (stick around for season two!)

Episode 7

• The merge happened. I think it should've happened a little later. (this challenge could've been done with teams; whichever team brings the most eggs wins)
• Big Bird reference. (I didn't watch Sesame Street as a kid)

• Wayne, Raj will come out to you when he's ready. Chill the fuck out.
• I'm predicting Zee is leaving. His hiccups are a bad omen. (I was wrong...but at what cost?)
• WHY DID JULIA SUDDENLY HAVE FIVE FINGERS. I thought that was Zee's thing? (it was also Trent's thing, albeit on his shirt instead of his hands)
• Angry Bird?
• Didn't wanna see Ripper demonstrate how to seduce a bird but I did anyways. I'm suffering.
• It only took a life threatening situation and multiple blows to the head for Raj to come out to Wayne. (This line sounds REALLY fucked up out of context, they got the shit kicked out of them by a bird and then shoved off a cliff)
• NONONONONO EMMA. DON'T TAKE HIM BACK. HE CUT THE BRAKES IN YOUR CAR AND TOOK YOUR HALF OF THE CANDY BAR.
• jerma? (there was a rat)
• This show is fucking taunting me by constantly having Ripper being in the bottom. (IT REALLY WAS!!! I just remembered he threw an egg at the ground and a baby bird hatched)
• NO. NO. NO. NOT THE HOCKEY BROS. WHAT THE FUCK. WHY. (I have recovered from this)

Episode 8

• I'm VERY slowly getting used to the new theme song. I'm not getting used to Chris' new voice. (nothing against Terry McGurrin, he fucking killed it in the Ridonculous Race)
• Bowie. Please don't put Raj's mouthguard in your mouth. Oh my God he did it. You are NOT allowed to criticize straight people ever again.
• Meow meow :)
• Not Chase's apology being a fucking prank *insert skull emoji* "are we about to make out again" Chase please.
• BOWIE. CHASE AND EMMA VOMITING ON EACH OTHER ISN'T A JUSTIFICATION FOR YOU WEARING RAJ'S MOUTHGUARD.
• Why was that such a detailed shot of Chef's foot. (insert Dan Schneider joke here)
• Zee is another victim of anti-milk propaganda :( (in his defense, drinking milk from another species is a WEIRD concept)
• Ripper, I know I've said predominantly negative things about you, but it's okay if you're sixteen and never kissed a girl. I didn't have my first kiss until I was sixteen and it happened because we were playing spin the bottle. (I don't remember the bloke's name. People clapped when I said it was my first kiss and it made me feel like I was in an airplane that just landed. AWFUL feeling)
• Was that Gwen's mom as the camerawoman? (couldn't get screenshots of her but she looked like Gwen's mom with orange hair)
• RIPPER'S GONE!!! (that baby bird he threw at the ground probably is too) LETS FUCKING GO!!!!!!!
• And the episode ends with a second wedgie joke.

Episode 9

• Does Millie have purple eyes? (she does!!!)
• Something I don't like about the Total Drama art style is that it's easy to recognize what characters have the same assets reused. (I have a really shitty photo memory. I used to think Ripper kinda looked like Chet because they're both hefty white dudes with round faces, but then I looked up Chet and realized they look NOTHING alike adjkghdlfkghl)
• It surprises me how long Zee and Julia have lasted in this. They both feel like those characters with one schtick that should've been kicked early on but no, they've stuck around. (these bitches competent! good for them ♥)
• Chase is such a silly little bitch (update: I don't remember why I said this). Emma's uh. She's kind of uh. Erm. Oh, how do I say this? VIOLENT. All I'm gonna say is: If Chase was slapping Emma with a fish and threatening to kill her (it makes sense in the context) instead of the other way around, people would go C R A Z Y. (I still stand by this)
• Guys guys. There WAS a Kilroy drawing in the confession booth in the original show. It's fucking gone now. (another thing I should've appreciated. Not sure why it took me THIS long to notice though)


I stole these images from the Total Drama Wiki

• The confession camera glitch effects are surprisingly good (they had some of those with Lauren and possibly another contestant I don't remember). (it might've been MK from when she was fucking around with the camera?)
• Bowie. You can do it. I believe in you. C'mon Bowie. Pleasepleasepelease WHY ARE THERE ANIMALS STUCK IN THE HONEY??? Honey jail???

Does anyone remember that episode of Pahkitew Island where Chris shaved his beard and he looked like a naked mole rat for the entire episode? Not sure why I just remembered that.

• STOP LOLLYGAGGING BOWIE. RUN FOR THE FUCKING BELL. GET THE BELL nevermind. Rats.
• Is Julia gonna severely injure herself and get eliminated through injury like the hockey bros? She's looking a little fucked.
• Well, it was nice knowing Bowie. He's probably getting eliminated—or Zee. Yeah it was Zee. (shitty ass cop-out) At least he didn't lose his prosthetic leg again.

Episode 10

• Haha the fat girl's struggling to climb up a mountain lol :) so funnie,,, (I don't think this was even meant to be a fat joke, I think it was a "Priya and her parents are crazy" joke)
• I miss Axel, she was my favourite crazy bitch.
• Chase really. Really. REALLY. Needs to take the L and move on. Bowie, please continue insulting straight people.
• Priya's a bit of a bitch but I get why. Her parents wired her like this.
• Okay, there's NO FUCKING WAY they'd be standing up on the stilts while starving during a heat advisory for seven fucking hours. (Throwback to summer 2021 when it was nearly 40 degrees celsius and I lowkey thought I was gonna die)
• Priya's having a stroke (loved the part where she started hallucinating Lauren's voice, reminds me of my hallucinations ♥).

• Is this gonna be the whole episode? Most of the gang standing on stilts until they all fall? Update: It was. I think the writers are running a little low on ideas.
• Chase is a comically terrible person. (he was also intentionally written to be unlikeable)
• Bowie's phone hasn't died yet??? (he found MK or Julia's old phone at 10% and he was trying to find stuff on it)
• Priya has "let's take ibuprofen together" energy. (what does this even mean???)
• Everyone's reaction to Chase and Emma kissing (specifically Chef's reaction) was very justified.
• Goodbye Chase. You're somebody's problematic favourite, scrimblo, babygirl, and manwhore (not mine though).

Episode 11

• Julia comparing friends to zits felt a little sociopathic but go off I guess.
• There's been at least two challenges on Total Drama where they have to take selfies in dangerous situations. What a time to be alive. (the first challenge was actually on the Ridonculous Race but you get what I mean)
• These people are so fucking slow at taking selfies. Just hit the button and run for your Goddamn life.
• Everyone's so scared of Canada geese and it's insanely silly. Oh no! A two foot tall cobra chicken with an extremely grabbable neck and kickable body! What the fuck am I gonna do???? (I understand if it's a GAGGLE of geese but no. It was one goose)
• Julia's a total fucking bitch and Bowie's an asshole but God damn do I love them.
• Priya suffers another medical emergency ♥ (I have a hard time believing Priya could just die)
• Is it bad that I'm with Bowie on the whole Chase and Emma thing? Chase is an irredeemable dumpster fire.
• EMMA GOT VOTED OFF AND BOWIE STAYED!!! Love wins!!! (can't say the same thing about their friendship! Yowchie!)

Episode 12

• Why did Bowie pronounce "Finale" like that.

December 29th, 2023 (my conclusion)

Well, that's it! As negative as this entire page probably came across, I loved this season.

I'll write another entry after I find and watch episode 13 (I haven't really looked for it tbh). I'm not gonna liveblog for season two of the reboot because I've already watched every available episode, but I'll probably write an entry about it as well. Hopefully I'll get around to drawing fan art of the characters too.